Tantra 101

Yoga has traditionally stressed brahmacharya (“the right use of energy”) and offers various effective techniques to withdraw from sensory stimulation. While I do not entirely disagree with this aspect of the 4000+ year old spiritual path toward enlightenment, I also have come to embrace the idea that human consciousness has developed to the extent that we as a species are ready (and one might even look around and say we are not just ready but the world is at crisis level) to embrace  tantra, which is inclusive of sensual and sexual energy as part of a spiritual path: everything earthly is also Divine, in the spirit of non-dualism.

There are a variety of paths called “tantra,” and a Facebook group of which I am a member places emphasis on defining and disagreeing on what “tantra” actually is—much in the same way a student of Iyengar yoga might attend a Kripalu class and emerge saying, “That’s not yoga!” and vice versa.

While the the Kripalu students and the Iyengar students could form a Facebook group and spend hours discussing the finer points of what constitutes yoga, and perhaps eventually (I’m optimistic) come to agreement, is that the most productive use of time? Perhaps a better use of time is to agree to disagree and allow both (and all, even, acro-yoga!) to be called “yoga” and then go DO it. That’s what I propose for tantra.

While on an imaginary continuum there is, on the far right, a philosophy called “tantra” that has nothing whatsoever to do with sexuality; and on the far, far left there is an association with the word “tantra” (aka neo-tantra) with concepts like polygamy, polyamory, group sex and getting naked with complete strangers, in the middle of that continuum is the “tantra” that I know and love: a spiritual path inclusive of and honoring sexual energy, composed of both ancient and modern yogic techniques that awaken the Divine flow of life within, to promote a state of sex-heart-consciousness.

Is the yoga world ready for sexual tantra? I posit that it is. Why should sexual energy and genitals be the one area not addressed, not included, by yoga? The tantric sex path requires skillful, compassionate guidance (even if you are guiding yourself) and an abiding identification with the highest part, the Divine part, of yourself and others, as well as a deep acceptance of the lowest, most human and flawed parts—of yourself and others, and especially your partner, if you have one. That, and desire, is all one needs.

While we in our journey as yoga teachers and students and aficionados are leaving sexual energy off the mat, sex is a billion dollar industry online, and the current generation of young people are learning about sex from porn, learning to objectivize each other’s body parts, learning to separate sex from intimacy (or even from actually knowing the name of their sex partner). Far from being a prude, I am a lover at heart—and I see the value of knowing the person whose energy and physical body I am allowing to penetrate mine. I question which senses and chakras need to be shut down in order to engage intimately with people we don’t know, people whom we might not even like if we did know them. I want more for the next generation and I want more for myself.

Meanwhile in the real world, we have couples working all day, drinking coffee to fuel up, wine to wind down, exhausted and crabby at the end of the day with no tools or techniques to reawaken their sexual energy in order to be fully present with the one they love the most—even if they go to a yoga class regularly.

It has been instilled in us 21^st Century-dwellers that marital union is practically the climax of our existence. We were taught the proper gender identity to unionize with, depending on the gender identity that was given to us at birth, based on genitals that may or may not match up with our mental gender identity. This identity and partnering system is a thick belief system, handed down through generations in a patriarchal society, until now self-perpetuating unquestioned. And sex is associated with it. The structure of the belief system around gender and coupling has begun to be questioned; why not question, and maybe even enlighten, the paradigm of sex too?

If you have a voracious appetite for paradigm shifts, you might like tantra. Tantra says that not only is sex not a shameful and nasty physical act, but that it is an act of Divine Union (whether you are married to your partner or not)—in other words, that sex is inherently spiritual. That our physical bodies are a gateway to higher consciousness. Yes, people actually meditate in sex positions. (Wouldn’t one distract from the other? Are they not mutually exclusive? Merging the two is the tantric sex path. Take it from a longtime practitioner: Best. Meditation. Ever.)

We have lost sight of the deeply unifying energy that sex is. Surely we are ready for tantra as an ancient art reclaimed. It feels foreign, but it can be brought home very happily. I have never seen anyone at the end of a tantra workshop feeling inadequate—experiencing and sharing this quality of energy makes a person feel they are enough—and it leads people who already feel like they are enough to feel divine.

Tantra increases the sheer volume of sexual energy within and around you. But it filters it through the Heart and higher consciousness so that it’s clean, pure, and appropriate—even though it’s sexual. Many have come to know it as creative  energy and embody a heightened awareness. (“I want what they’ve got,” I thought, when I first met my tantra teachers on a modest Midwestern front porch.)

Through breathing and awareness exercises, rather than a physical act (“friction sex,” my beloved teacher Richard Asimus calls it) sex becomes a spiritual act—like a full-body prayer, in the way that yoga can be a full-body prayer. After our own bodies have been cleansed and more finely tuned, we tune in to each other and feel that sense of Union that we crave.

Our everyday consciousness craves that moment of orgasm in which we fully let go of wanting, of habit, of everything banal…through tantra it is revealed that that this bliss is happening and available all around us at any time; though typically we need to be in the moment of orgasm in order to feel it. But it is not just about genitals. We mistake it for being merely genital stimulation and brain activity. It is also an energy present on the planet at all times, for those who learn to tune into it—and it can happen in any chakra.

Tantra teaches us to tune into this bliss in everyday life. Therefore it’s great for longtime couples, who re-learn to harmonize in a way that leads to enhanced sexual experiences.

It is hard to practice tantra and maintain the mainstream myth that sex is shameful, or that it should be properly relegated to the end of the day, after all the bills have been paid and the dishes done. Instead, celebrate it! Prioritize it! Honor it! You can see why tantra has been underground since the 13^th Century—no one would have ever paid the bills or done the dishes (but now that we can pay online and use dishwashers, don’t we have more free time?). Tantra exposes other myths too, such as the one that says humans are born guilty. (In my estimation, the only original sin is believing that we were born with an original sin.) Warning: tantra may lead to the breaking down of societal mores. At the same time, why not say yes to breaking down the ones that leave sexy people (i.e., all of us) feeling shamed or oppressed?

These tools and techniques, the ability to awaken our energy and be fully present to the Divine in oneself and one’s partner, are what tantra teaches (or what, in particular, UGoddessTantra (my “brand”) teaches. My teachers at TantraHeart.com taught me, and their teachers at Ipsalu Tantra Kriya yoga taught them—my “brand” is lineage-based going back to the Kriya Yoga described in Autobiography of a Yogi. (Yogananda’s Babaji is Ipsalu Tantra’s Babaji.)

And so on back into the past, back to a time when the vagina was revered as the gateway between heaven and earth. You are invited to jump in—wherever you’re at--and create a new paradigm that honors yourself, body mind and spirit. It is time to find a new space for women to reside in that is neither virgin nor mother nor whore…nor any of the old paradigms handed down to us. It is time to create a paradigm for male sexuality that is empowering but doesn’t assert power over anyone. Students of yoga and life can create ourselves to be however we want to be, to claim that unique individual territory in this amazing thousand petaled lotus that is the Divine Human.

A manifesto: the planet is not just ready, but crying out for, a heart-sex-consciousness that has been hibernating for millennia. Awaken this consciousness in yourself alone, or invite your partner—not just for yourselves and each other but to create enlightened sexuality on a planet that deeply needs that kind of transformation.

UGoddessYoga offers Tantra 101: Demystifying the Ancient System to Awaken Your Erotic Intelligence, February 13, 2016. For more information and to join the mailing list: ugoddesyoga@gmail.com

“Sexual energy when directed upward toward the brain does awaken consciousness.” 

– Caroline Muir, Tantra Goddess

Twenty years ago it was rare to see someone walking down the street carrying a yoga mat. Today everyone I know has one. Even my mom.

Tantric sex is now where yoga was then.  Esoteric. Misunderstood.  The misunderstandings in part stem from the term ‘tantra’ itself, which is used for both tantric yoga (or white tantra, a spiritual tradition that weaves spirituality into everyday life through yogic practices) and tantric sex (red tantra, also called neo-tantra, a spiritual tradition that weaves spirituality into everyday life through yogic practices that include sex). That being said, tantra yoga purists object to the association of the word ‘tantra’ with sex at all.

Tantric sex is still far from mainstream, but it’s emerging, and being defined as we speak.

Tantric sex can be viewed as the natural progression of yoga, though most of the tantra people I know are not actually "yoga people." Tantric sex is a meditation, using sexual energy. Traditional yoga advocates celibacy (Brahmacharya). Human perception has begun to awaken in the areas of food, medicine, money, economy. Isn’t it also time to transform our relationship to this fundamental, misunderstood, yogicly-ignored bastion of shame?

“With tantra heart-sex-consciousness,” says TantraHeart master teacher Richard Asimus, “allure is sacred.”

This “new” perspective on sex is actually ancient, with roots in both India and Egypt. Where have the original practices gone? Underground, for centuries.  Back now though, baby, in this dawning of an awakened consciousness. And it really just boils down to being fully present. Eckhart Tolle teaches that tuning in to our inner body is one of the best ways to get present. For tantra practitioners, adding sexual energy tunes us in even further.

That level of presence Eckhart Tolle refers to means being fully awake (that is, not in judgment or thinking one’s thoughts are true). Tantric sex takes that awakened state to a new level by generating sexual energy, and connecting it to one’s heart, for heart-sex-consciousness. It’s rather delicious. In a regular yoga practice, the level of ecstasy present just from moving and breathing is profound. Imagine adding sexual energy to it. Yet the tantric sex people aren’t necessarily yoga people. Just like with yoga, there are many different schools of tantra, and just like yoga, practitioners don’t agree on which path is the “right” one. That being said, the practice itself is so captivating that arguing about rightness or semantics is far less intriguing than just doing it.

If 50% of marriages end in divorce, maybe that’s just a wake-up call to create new paradigms for love and sex that actually work and enhance our lives. Why do we need to try to fit our original selves into the same paradigm that unawakened people have embraced in an unawakened past? Or what if there was no paradigm at all and we were just fully present every moment? Tuning into sexual energy can do that. It can ignite your senses--think meditation and breathing, plus sex. Tantra is a practice, like meditation is a practice.

“Can you say the thing about the full-body orgasm again?” my Oprah Show director, Brian, requested.  I repeated it. About six times. Keep that in mind, reality-tv fans: I did a lot of repeating, until reality and what the director wanted were One. Everyone wants to know about the full-body orgasm, apparently. It’s a FAQ. (Here is my Oprah appearance story.)

Name-dropping the Big O always enhances my credibility; but more to the point, which is “why do tantra?” my segment on that high-profile venue happened because of what I learned through tantra: how to harness sexual energy—which is creative energy—and use it to set and manifest audacious intentions, which that O appearance was, indeed. Sexual energy is creative energy, supercharged.

Note to the curious: most of my own full-body orgasms have taken place fully clothed. They are energy orgasms. There is no intrigue or salaciousness, just full-on clarity.

A tantric approach to sexuality can change the world. Sexual energy is what causes birth—not just baby birth but the birth and manifestation of ideas and intentions. It’s effective to set an intention that is so audacious (I want to be on Oprah!) that there is little likelihood that it will actually manifest, an intention so audacious that it will make you giggle. It’s easier to let go of an audacious intention, send it out into the Universe, and place it in the unseen hands of the Universe—because it’s so audacious.  It’s that simple. The practices in the book Jewel and the Lotus are a great way to start generating the sexual energy that will catapult your life into bliss.

Puzzling how tantric sex is still so hidden and esoteric, when most of the internet's traffic is about sex. If sex is that popular online, how is tantra not spreading like wildfire? Well there is that collective shame and that feeling that sex is naughty, which currently is stronger than the new perception that sexuality is inherently divine.

Tantric sex—which is a combination of yoga, meditation, and breathing, but so much wilder, wetter, more fun, and far more unpredictable--is a way to reunite body mind and, yes, spirit. It is about fully surrendering, within a defined context full of rich practices that heighten awareness. If you are already a meditator, you just add sexual energy. If you already enjoy sex, you just add truly slowing it down. It is excruciating in the best of ways. What's not to like about that?

Is it preposterous that sexual energy could somehow lead to a spiritual awakening? Sexual energy is the exact same energy, Life Force, Prana, Chi, that flows through and around all that is.  That same Life Force, when whirling around your sex organs, or even when just whirling around the mere idea of sex, creates the incomparable feeling of arousal…which has been deemed un-spiritual by the powers that be, in the Western world, in previous generations.  Are we ready to let go of that?  Are we as a species ready to reclaim it as a Divine gift? Are we ready to fully surrender to it and be the ultimate submissive? Are we ready to try to captivate it and harness it and use it as power, as the ultimate dom? Are we ready to just live in it regally and peacefully? It can look any way you want it to look on the outside. Just like with yoga, what matters is what’s going on inside.

After thousands of years of mixed messages about sex, notice your own personal reaction to this evolved perspective. You may feel turned on, in doubt, turned off...all points of view are honored, as mere points of view.  Tantric sexuality can feed the hungry and longing part of people who live in a world that deems sex to be shameful—and instead of hiding our sexuality and relegating it to the end of the day, we can take steps to honor and prioritize it. Are you being invited to something more? Pulled toward something deeper, a deeper connection? If so, succumb.

It will be hard to practice tantra and and at the same time maintain the mainstream belief that sex is shameful, or that it should be relegated to the end of the day, after all the bills have been paid and the dishes done. Instead: Celebrate it! Prioritize it! Honor it! You can see why tantra has been underground since the 13th Century. Celebrating sexuality is not approved of by the powers that be. Tantra exposes other myths too, such as the one that says humans are born guilty. Warning: tantra may lead to the breaking down of societal mores. At the same time, why not say yes to breaking down the societal mores that leave sexy people (ie, all of us) feeling shamed or oppressed.

For so many in today’s world sex is – and bodies are – if not shameful, then lacking. There are very few women who don’t look at their bodies and see flaws. And few men who don’t look at their penis and wonder: am I enough? Most of us have been conditioned by fashion magazines and porn, both of which instill a sense of lack.

Porn sex makes your sex life look lame. Fashion mags…well, they are one step ahead of women no matter what we do. They exist to make us want what we don’t have. Why do we allow ourselves to feel guilty about our porn use and inadequate about our physical appeal…due to external forces seemingly beyond our control, while we chase an illusion of who we are and what sex is?

Let’s reject the external images of what we “should” be like. Let’s turn the old paradigm upside-down and decide sex is neither shameful nor bad nor is it a mere method of stress relief or of acquiring a certain status… It’s Divine. It is the energy that creates new life. It unites people in a way that goes beyond the physical. If you’re single, tantric sexual energy will unite first you with yourself, then that Self–a highly energized and glorious version of you--with a partner. By focusing on the external (screens, status) we have lost sight of the deeply unifying invisible—but totally visible, right?--energy that sex is. Tantra is an ancient art reclaimed. It feels foreign, but it can be brought home very happily. I have never seen anyone at the end of a tantra workshop feeling inadequate. Experiencing and sharing this quality of energy makes a person feel they are enough. A world full of people who know they are enough is a world full of empowered and joyful people.

Human beings are finally awake enough to consider using the wild and unseen force that is sexual energy to raise the consciousness of the planet. People are shyly stepping into a Friday night puja, unshyly being welcomed by others who are already glowing with the discovery of heart-sex-consciousness.

Tantra increases the sheer volume of sexual energy within and around you. But it filters that energy through the heart so that it’s clean, pure, and appropriate—even though it’s sexual. Through breathing and awareness exercises, rather than being a physical act (“friction sex,” my beloved teacher Richard calls it), sex becomes a spiritual act—like a full-body prayer, in the way that yoga can be a full-body prayer. After our own bodies have been cleansed and more finely tuned, we tune in to each other and feel that sense of deeper Union and profound connection and, yes, bliss, that most of us crave.

Our everyday consciousness craves that fleeting moment of orgasm in which we fully let go of desires, of habit, of everything banal…but through tantra it is revealed that that bliss is actually alive and available all around us at any time, not to just that fleeting moment of orgasm. As westerners we mistake it for being merely genital stimulation and brain activity. Tantra reminds us that it is an energy present on the planet at all times, for those who learn to tune into it. And yes, tuning in can be taught--great news for longtime couples, who will learn to harmonize in a way that leads to enhanced sexual experiences. Imagine feeling the electricity of newness again even after you’ve met each other’s second cousins…six or seven times.

Deep intimacy is super-hot. Letting someone see you, beyond the everyday life, beyond your hidden shame and guilt and ugly flaws, into the Divine Eyes that are looking through you, will penetrate your very being like nothing else. And in that seeing, it is not out of the question that one can act out a bondage scene or have vanilla sex; the external is not what matters. Being fully present to the flow, to the exchange, is what matters. Rather than needing more and more external stimulation, you need less and less with tantric sex…because you are so deeply aware of what’s present.

Tantra belongs not just in your bed but in the yoga studio, because it is the missing aspect of yoga. Yoga skips over the genitals. You are taught to cherish your breath, and be conscious of the sensations in your body, to rest and support yourself if you need nourishing. And to not have sex. Tantra reclaims the genitals and brings them into your yoga—after hours.

A spiritual path that creates even better orgasms…I’m in. I have had women friends ask, “Who on earth would even want to have a full-body orgasm?” Well. Try it and see.

In our personal and societal awakening let’s create a new paradigm that honors us body mind and spirit. Let’s find a new place for women’s sexuality that is neither virgin nor mother nor whore…nor any of the paradigms handed down to us…Let’s find a paradigm for male sexuality that is empowering but doesn’t assert power over anyone. Now is the time to begin to create ourselves to be however and whoever we want to be in our sexual energy, to claim our unique individual territory in this amazing thousand-petaled lotus that is the Divine Human, and to bask in it.

In the flowering of human consciousness, sex itself is ready to be harnessed and used as a tool for awakening.  If you want to take steps immediately (and who wouldn’t?) I know a tantra teacher who'd be excited to guide your awakening.

UGoddessYoga offers Tantra 101: Demystifying the Ancient System to Awaken Your Erotic Intelligence, February 13, 2016. For more information and to join the mailing list: ugoddesyoga@gmail.com